Why Emotions Matter: Understanding, Feeling, and Processing Them

Many of us grow up learning subtle messages about which emotions are acceptable to show and which are better kept inside. But emotions aren’t the enemy — they’re part of how the brain helps us navigate, adapt, and stay connected to others. When we understand what emotions do, and allow ourselves to feel and process them, life becomes less about managing reactions and more about living meaningfully.

In this post, we’ll explore:

• What emotions are

• Why we have emotions

• Why we avoid emotions

• How emotional avoidance shows up

• Why processing emotions is so important

What Are Emotions?

Emotions are rapid, whole-body responses that arise when your brain interprets something as important. They’re not just “feelings” — they’re a coordinated pattern involving:

• Physiology: changes in heart rate, breathing, posture, and muscle tone

• Attention: where your focus moves, or what it moves away from

• Urges: impulses to act or withdraw

• Thoughts: quick interpretations or predictions

• Meaning: the story your brain creates about what’s happening

These elements blend together into an emotional experience. Rather than being random or chaotic, emotions are your nervous system’s way of helping you register and respond to the world quickly. Different emotions have different profiles — fear feels sharp and activating, sadness feels heavy and slowing, joy feels expansive and energising — because each pattern prepares the body and mind in a particular way.

Why Do We Have Emotions?

1. Emotions give us information

Emotions act like an internal signal system. They alert us that something important is happening — a need, a value, or a boundary is being touched. Anxiety may signal threat or uncertainty; anger may signal a boundary crossed; sadness may signal loss or longing. When we pay attention to these signals rather than push them away, we gain clarity about what matters.

2. Emotions help us connect with others

Humans are wired for connection. Emotions communicate our inner world to others — often before we use words. Sharing how we feel invites closeness, comfort, and understanding, and helps others know how to respond. Without emotions, relationships would lack depth, empathy, and trust.

3. Emotions prepare us for action

Every emotion triggers physical and cognitive changes designed to help us respond effectively. The body shifts — heart rate, breath, muscle tension, attention — preparing us to act, protect ourselves, or move towards something important. Fear prepares us to escape or seek safety; excitement prepares us to engage; anger prepares us to set boundaries or defend ourselves.

Why We Avoid Emotions

Avoiding emotions is extremely common. Many of us can internalise messages from our culture, community, caregivers, or gender roles about which emotions are acceptable to show. From a young age, we pick up cues about which feelings are safe to express and which are better kept inside. These messages shape us long before we’re aware of them.

Common avoidance strategies include:

Suppressing or hiding feelings: many people learn to push emotions down — often without realising it.

Keeping busy or distracting: if we keep moving, we can avoid slowing down long enough to feel what’s really there.

People-pleasing or caretaking: focusing on others becomes a way to avoid looking inward.

Intellectualising: this is a particularly subtle form of avoidance. Instead of feeling the emotion in the body, a person shifts into thinking mode — analysing, explaining, or rationalising their feelings. It creates a sense of safety and control, but keeps the emotional experience at a distance.

Avoidance may feel protective in the moment, but it often increases tension, anxiety, and disconnection over time.

Why Feeling and Processing Emotions Matters

CBT and third-wave therapies emphasise the importance of accessing emotions at a level that is felt, but not overwhelming. This is essential for meaningful change.

1. Unprocessed emotions don’t disappear

When emotions are pushed aside, they often reappear as:

• anxiety

• rumination

• irritability

• physical tension

• numbness

• overwhelm

Processing allows the nervous system to “complete” the emotional cycle and return to balance.

2. Emotions reveal our needs

Every emotion carries information about what matters:

• Sadness → I need comfort, understanding, or support

• Anger → I need a boundary or change

• Anxiety → I need safety or clarity

• Joy → I want to connect or savour something meaningful

If we don’t feel the emotion, the need stays buried.

3. Processing builds emotional tolerance

Experiencing emotions in manageable doses teaches us that feelings are survivable. Over time, they become less frightening and more workable.

4. Processing deepens connection with others

Feeling an emotion is one thing — allowing another person to witness it is another. Being able to share sadness, fear, or vulnerability with someone safe strengthens intimacy and trust. It helps us feel supported rather than alone with our inner world.

Bringing It All Together

Emotions aren’t a problem to eliminate; they’re messages from your mind and body. Avoiding them may bring short-term relief, but approaching them with curiosity and compassion leads to greater resilience, clarity, and connection — both to yourself and others.

When you allow yourself to feel and process emotions — rather than suppressing them or intellectualising them — you aren’t being dramatic or burdensome. You’re responding to your nervous system in a healthy, human, and courageous way.