Why Emotions Matter: Understanding, Feeling, and Processing Them

Most of us grow up hearing unhelpful messages about emotions: be strong, don’t cry, shake it off, don’t make a fuss. Over time, these messages can leave us believing that difficult feelings are a sign of weakness or something to hide.

But emotions aren’t the enemy. They’re part of how your brain helps you navigate, adapt, and stay connected to others. When we understand what emotions do — and allow ourselves to feel and process them — life becomes less about managing reactions and more about living meaningfully.

In this post, we’ll explore:

• What emotions are

• Why we have them

• Why we avoid them

• How we avoid them

• Why processing emotions is so important

What Are Emotions?

Emotions are whole-body responses designed to help us make sense of what’s happening around us. They’re not just “feelings” — they involve physiology, attention, impulses, thoughts, and meaning.

For example:

• Fear alerts you to danger and prepares you to protect yourself

• Sadness signals loss and draws others toward you for support

• Anger highlights boundary violations and energises you to act

• Joy points to safety, connection, and possibility

Emotions evolved because they help us survive, communicate, and move toward what matters.

Why Do We Have Emotions?

1. Emotions give us information

They signal that something important is happening — a need, a value, or a boundary.

2. Emotions help us connect with others

Humans are social. Emotions communicate our inner world and invite closeness, comfort, and understanding.

3. Emotions prepare us for action

The body automatically adjusts — heart rate, breath, muscle tension, attention — to help us respond effectively.

Why We Avoid Emotions

Avoiding emotions is extremely common. Many of us can internalise messages from our culture, community, caregivers, or gender roles about which emotions are acceptable to show. From a young age, we pick up cues about which feelings are safe to express and which are better kept inside. These messages shape us long before we’re aware of them.

Common avoidance strategies include:

Suppressing or hiding feelings: many people learn to push emotions down — often without realising it.

Keeping busy or distracting: if we keep moving, we can avoid slowing down long enough to feel what’s really there.

People-pleasing or caretaking: focusing on others becomes a way to avoid looking inward.

Intellectualising: this is a particularly subtle form of avoidance. Instead of feeling the emotion in the body, a person shifts into thinking mode — analysing, explaining, or rationalising their feelings. It creates a sense of safety and control, but keeps the emotional experience at a distance.

Avoidance may feel protective in the moment, but it often increases tension, anxiety, and disconnection over time.

Why Feeling and Processing Emotions Matters

CBT and third-wave therapies emphasise the importance of accessing emotions at a level that is felt, but not overwhelming. This is essential for meaningful change.

1. Unprocessed emotions don’t disappear

When emotions are pushed aside, they often reappear as:

• anxiety

• rumination

• irritability

• physical tension

• numbness

• overwhelm

Processing allows the nervous system to “complete” the emotional cycle and return to balance.

2. Emotions reveal our needs

Every emotion carries information about what matters:

• Sadness → I need comfort, understanding, or support

• Anger → I need a boundary or change

• Anxiety → I need safety or clarity

• Joy → I want to connect or savour something meaningful

If we don’t feel the emotion, the need stays buried.

3. Processing builds emotional tolerance

Experiencing emotions in manageable doses teaches us that feelings are survivable. Over time, they become less frightening and more workable.

4. Processing deepens connection with others

Feeling an emotion is one thing — allowing another person to witness it is another. Being able to share sadness, fear, or vulnerability with someone safe strengthens intimacy and trust. It helps us feel supported rather than alone with our inner world.

For example, I used to think showing sadness meant I was burdening others. For years, I hid my feelings and tried to push through everything alone. Learning to express sadness — and to let others comfort me — changed the way I relate to emotions. It’s one of the reasons I’m so passionate about helping people develop a healthier, kinder relationship with their inner world.

Bringing It All Together

Emotions aren’t a problem to eliminate; they’re messages from your mind and body. Avoiding them may bring short-term relief, but approaching them with curiosity and compassion leads to greater resilience, clarity, and connection — both to yourself and others.

When you allow yourself to feel and process emotions — rather than suppressing them or intellectualising them — you aren’t being dramatic or burdensome. You’re responding to your nervous system in a healthy, human, and courageous way.